My husband and I have only been married a little over eight years, but even in that short amount of time, there are a few things that I’ve pretty much mastered when it comes to our relationship. I don’t mean to brag or anything, but when I set my mind to something, I totally go for it. I’m all in, people. Go big or go home. Here are just a few of the things I feel I’ve perfected over the years:
Pointing out my husband’s flaws. I don’t know what it is, but there are just some things that I cannot seem to let go of… how his idea of ‘cleaning up the kitchen’ consists of filling the dishwasher to its maximum capacity and leaving the rest of the dishes to ‘soak’ overnight or how he works on a project in the garage and leaves all the tools and trash sprawled on the floor after he’s finished. And for the love of all things, why, why, WHY can his laundry never make it into the laundry basket that is exactly three feet seven inches away from where it’s heaped on the floor beside the bed? You’d better believe that I make it a point to bring this up every chance I get from time to time because I want to make sure he knows that I am not his mother and that I already spend half of my life cleaning up after the other little tornadoes that live in the house.
Being indecisive I cannot make a decision. My husband can’t either. Right now, I can’t even remember how we actually decided to get married or have kids. Neither one of us wants to make a firm decision because we’re too worried that just saying what we want will somehow make us seem selfish. I’ve lost count of how many times our indecisiveness has ruined a day, especially when we’re out of town and have to decide where to eat. A typical conversation goes like this:
Him: What do you want to eat?
Me: I don’t know. What sounds good to you?
Him: I don’t care. I’m so hungry I’ll eat anything… you’re the picky one so you decide.
Me: (an hour or three later) What about Chick-fil-a?
Him: No, not Chick-fil-a. I’ll eat anything but Chick-fil-a.
Me: Are you kidding me right now?
And the conversation usually goes downhill after that. When I say ‘downhill,’ I mean that there is no conversation because I usually give him the silent treatment at that point. I mean, seriously dude, how is it that the one food I finally decide on just so happens to be the one thing you aren’t in the mood for that day? Coincidence? I think not.
(Side note: He always makes me decide because I’m ‘the picky one.’ The guy refuses to eat anything white and creamy and only likes three desserts… he’s basically missing out on life in general and I’m the picky one?)
Being selfish. Do I really need an explanation on this one? I’m so self-absorbed most of the time and totally not proud of it.
Glossing over my mistakes while highlighting his. Our toddler threw my husband’s Tim Horton’s gift card in the trash several months ago. I know, it happens. I was upset because not only had I told my husband a bazillion times once or twice that the kitchen counter probably wasn’t the best place for it, but I was the one who had to go dig through the trash to find it… poopy diapers, slimy chicken gravy, rotten leftovers and all. And the thanks I got? When he came home from work and I told him that I found it, he made a joke about me being a ‘trash digger’. I can’t remember if I punched him or not, but I might go punch him right now just in case I didn’t then. Obviously, I still haven’t let it go or I wouldn’t be writing about it right now.
But the time I accidentally threw away an important paper that we needed to send in for our insurance? I had to dig for that too, but when I found it do you know what my husband said? Nothing. He definitely doesn’t bring it up now, months later, and I’m not sure if he even remembers it. I make a mistake and he completely forgets about it. He makes a mistake and I just can’t seem to let it go.
Now my husband isn’t really an overachiever like me, so there’s only one thing I can think of that he’s truly mastered in our marriage.
Loving me completely. Not perfectly, but completely. As in absolutely, all the way, to the max, unconditionally. And let me tell you, I’ve given him millions of reasons not to love me. When he signed up for this life with me, he had no idea what he was getting himself into and there’s no way he could’ve. He didn’t know then that we would face infertility and postpartum depression. He didn’t know what kind of mother I would be, how I would handle money and that I would flip out if the house wasn’t clean all the time. He didn’t know about my little quirks, like how I have to have the bath towels folded a certain way. But none of those things have changed his commitment to me.
Because every day he chooses me, the good parts and the bad. I’ve never had to question how he feels or where he stands because he shows me every single day. It’s the kind of selfless, sacrificial love I pray our sons have for their wives one day. I’m pretty confident that it will happen, if they do decide to get married, because they will have lived their lives with the best teacher I know.
So while my husband may have only mastered one thing in our marriage, he’s mastered the most important thing.
Because that one thing is everything.